Dance in the Storm

Kita sering banget denger quote "Sometimes God calms the storm . . . and sometimes He lets the storm rage and calms His child." Tapi semua ga semudah yang dibayangin guys. Many times, saat the storm comes, kita’nya yang uda panik duluan. . *hayoo ngaku! Lol* As result, kita ga bisa ngerasain kalo Tuhan sedang calm us down, He holds our hands tightly.. Dia nunggu kita buat ga panik and mao dengerin Dia. 

Recently I face many things yang bikin gw keder sendiri. Spiritual, and physical semua'nya all in deh. Saat storm dateng bertubi2, gw mulai panik dan lupa kalo gw punya Tuhan yang ajaib. I forget how God can change troubles into blessings.I forgot how Jesus loves me. Gw lebih focus ke hal2 yang menurut gw penting, indeed ga ada yang lebih penting dari Tuhan kita kan.. hehehe.. Saat Dia calm me down, gw baru tau kalo He will not calm the storm yang gw hadapi sekarang. Dia calm me down, not the storm. He teaches me how to dance in the storm. Many times gw nyerah and ga mao go through.. nanges2 minta Tuhan rebuke the storm *lebay hahaha* but He didn't do. He wants my faith to grow.. He wants to stretch out my heart. He wants me to trust Him the way He trust me. The good news is, He knows our capacity, and He will not stretch me until I break down. He knows my limit. Justru saat2 begini, gw reflect how my life will be without Him? I cannot imagine it. Semua hal yang terjadi dalam hipup kita, Tuhan peduli. Ga ada yang Tuhan bilang, "itu terlalu kecil buat Aku, Aku ga mao ikut2." Masalah besar-kecil, semua sama di mata Tuhan.

The recent little thing that had happened tuh kemarin.. Gw lagi puyeng2nya urusan macem2, ehhh kampus juga "berulah".. One of my Graphic Design class invites Denmark students buat bikin collaborate work of art in 2 weeks. Yes, bukan typo, it's in 2 weeks. Project'nya fun sih, tapi ya challenging buangett dah. Group work in 2 weeks. hahaha.. Kita uda kelabakan karena ga kebayang gimana mao ngerjain, secara ketemu ma mereka cuman seminggu sekali. You know, kalo kerjaan group itu susah cocokin waktu buat kumpul'nya. Yang bikin makin puyeng, the presentation day will be held di hari yang pas gw intern. Alamakk.. Karena itu bukan jadwal kelas, banyak murid yang jadwal'nya bentrokan. Alhasil, group gw ga ada yang bisa dateng.. Cuma orang Denmark itu aja sendiri yang bakalan present. Dia uda panik, and couple times bilang "can't you guys ask a day off?" Ya keder lah dia, secara English juga bukan first language dia. So, I feel him how nervous it is, secara gw juga English'nya masi belepotan kalo presentasi. Hahahaha.. Karena itu, gw berusaha ask a day off. 

Gw uda bingung susun kata2 gimana mao minta off. Nah masalahnya gw kan intern, masa ya minta cuti segala. Baru kerja 2 minggu juga, masa uda "macem2". hahaha.. Gw rencana'nya mao bawa jadwal acara yang nunjukin kapan hari presentation itu, but my file is broken, and I cannot print it from home! Arrgghhh.. Jadi makin panik lah ya, gimana mao minta cuti kalo bukti aja ga ada.. halaahhh.. Gw makin bingung giman amao ngomong'nya. Tar kalo art director gw marah gimana? Tar kalo dia ga percaya gimana? Tar kalo gini.. kalo gitu.. bla bla.. Alhasil gw cuma bilang dalem ati, Tuhan bantuin gw ngomong donkk.. Jagain hati Emily supaya dia kasi gw off. *kalo uda buntu, baru dateng ke Tuhan.. jangan ditiru ya temen2..hahaha*  Pas gw uda nyampe kantor, cuma ada dia doank.. yang laen belom dateng, padahal itu uda 10 minutes before our work hour. Trus kita ngobrol2 dikit, and dia nanya "how's your school?" Oohh haleluyah! gw langsung cerita semua dah.. mulai dari collaborate work yang cuma 2 minggu, sampe akhirnya gw juga bilang soal hari presentation itu.. and dia langsung agree! Plong ati gw.. hahaha.. dia malah ga minta proof apa2. Oalahh.. emang Tuhan kita Allah yang luar biasa. Gw uda panik sendiri; in fact, Tuhan yang buka jalan. Saat itu Tuhan bilang, " you are in My hands, why you worry so much?"

Emang saat2 dalam badai begini, gw banyak dapet janji Tuhan. Allah kita bukan Tuhan yang jahat, Dia Allah yang baik. Saat kita ada dalam badai, don't worry.. He is by our side! Itu janjiNya. 

"Aku sekali-kali tidak akan membiarkan engkau dan
Aku sekali-kali tidak akan meninggalkan engkau." -Ibrani 13:5

 

So, kalo kalian juga lagi facing things yang ga banget. Masalah yang kalian pikir ga ada jalan keluar.. that's good. Itu berarti Tuhan lagi perbesar kapasitas'mu. Percaya aja, Tuhan punya rencana indah :)

I am a woman

This is a short reflection waktu gw found out that my ribs were swollen.. hehe.. Yang belom tau ceritanya, please read here dulu yak :) Pas itu, Tuhan bukain 1 of my mistakes, yaitu ga nyadarin role gw as a woman.. hehehe.. Maksud gw tuh begini. Both man and woman are created for different roles. Yes, semua orang equal di mata Tuhan, tapi role'nya tetep berbeda. Kalo co, Tuhan ciptain as the head of the family yang provide and protect his family; kalo ce, Tuhan ciptain as the heart of the family yang nurture and take care of the house. Bukannya gw bilang career woman itu salah loh, tapi maksud gw role di rumah tuh tetep ada :) Remember Proverbs 31?

Ok back to the story.. Pas tulang gw bengkak itu sebab'nya ya karena gw banyak angkatin barang2 berat. Gw orang'nya males minta tolong hahaha.. Apa2 gw kerjain sendiri. Di rumah ada ade co, tapi jarang ask for his help. Mao angkat gallon aer juga gw bisa. -___-"  Disitu Tuhan ingetin gw, kalo gw uda forgetting the role of a man at home. Gw ga  ngasi kesempatan buat men at home to do their role at home. Daripada cape suara minta tolong, gw lebih milih buat do it myself.

So girls, please be a woman that God created you to be, and let your man to do his role too. Jangan sampe those men jadi males karena kita ga perna mintain tolong hahahaha.. Lebih2 mreka juga dengan seneng ati nolongin koq. Karena emang udah diciptain begitu dari sononya.. mreka emang lebih kuat dari ce.. Jadi kalo ada barang berat2, ga usa sok perkasa lah.. hahahaha.. ask your men (Dad, brother, boyfriend, etc) helping you. But, don't abuse this privilege ya! jangan mentang2 kita ce kaum yang lebih lemah, trus kita jadi princess yang kemana2 harus dilayani. Nope. Our mission in this world is to serve, not to be served :)

Dari situ, gw jadi reflect lagi kalo ternyata kita kaum wanita punya "super power" yang either can built our men or destroy them. Inget Delilah yang seduce Samson sampe dia akhirnya buka rahasia kalo sumber kekuatannya tuh dari rambutnya? Inget Safira yang agree sama decision suaminya untuk boong soal hasil jual tanahnya? and masi ada beberapa tokoh lagi yang di tulis di Alkitab tentang itu. As women, we need to read Proverbs 31 everyday, biar kita inget apa role kita in this world. Jangan sampe kita kepengaruh sama dunia yang ga lagi ngehargain the role of man and woman. We should be like Sarah (the wife of father Abraham) yang setia meskipun suaminya takut buat ngakuin dia sebagai istri di depan Firaun karena takut dibunuh, kayak Ruth yang ga mao ninggalin ibu mertuanya (Naomi) meskipun suaminya uda meninggal, kayak Esther yang beriman sama Tuhan, n masi banyak lagi tokoh2 wanita di Alkitab. We are the princess of warrior, bukan princess ala Disney.. hehehe.. As women of God, we should be trustworthy, kind, dilligent, loving, care, strong, and wise. Be strong girls--not to compete with guys though-- and don't forget our mission in this world! :)

Saat Dokter bilang....

Beberapa bulan lalu gw check up ke dokter karena ada bump in my right chest. Serem lah ya.. Apalagi ce itu rawan sama yang namanya breast cancer. hehe.. Bump itu sebenernya uda gw rasain lama banget (uda beberapa taon gitu), tapi ga pernah brasa sakit ato gatel ato gimana. Yet, awal taon ini brasa sakitt bgtt.. Kadang nyut2an gitu, but kalo kegencet pas lagi tidur ato duduk sambil peluk bantal di sofa gitu.. Jiaahh.. Gw panic dunkss.. hehe.. Pas itu gw bawa doa sambil nanges2 *lebay*, n Tuhan cuma bilang "jangan takut! ini buat kebaikan keluargamu." Hah? Asli gw binun.. but karena Tuhan bilang jangan takut, gw berusaha buat ga takut meskipun kadang worry juga.. hehehe.. Gw doa terus soal itu sendiri tanpa bilang sapa2 selama beberapa minggu.. gw doa minta kekuatan sama Tuhan biar dikasi strength gitu waktu ngomong ke my parents, kekuatan juga buat my family for this news. Karena jujur gw masi ada takut juga sih ya, n I believe that my parents juga pasti kepikiran nantinya.. hehehe.. Setelah beberapa minggu, akhirnya gw beraniin bilang ke mreka. n yes, pas mreka aku kasi tau, nyokap uda kayak mao nanges gitu.. padahal gw'nya uda gpp, bisa ngomong ke mreka dengan sante'nya.. haha.. ya mana ada lah orang tua yang ga shock waktu denger kabar begituan dari anaknya? heheheheheh.. so yeaa.. waktu itu gw juga bilang ke mereka kalo gw uda bawa doa, n Tuhan bilang jangan takut karena ini buat kebaikan kita smua. 

Akhirnya, bokap nyokap gw maksa gw buat check up as soon as possible, sama dokter mana aja.. pokoknya buruan check sebelom telat. Nah gw'nya sendiri berkeras kalo gw maonya dokter ce. In fact, dokter ce di sini (yang di area gw) itu jarang. Sampe nyokap gw nanya ke mana2 soal dokter ce, n mreka bilang ga ada dokter ce.. "juaraaaaannggg bangettt Feb, kamu cepetan periksa aja lah ga usa peduliin ce/co".. haiyaa.. ga mao lah ya.. no way! cuma my future hubby yg boleh access ke sana nantinya.. hahahahaha.. jaoh amat mikirnya.. Eniwei, gw bawa doa lagi soal ini.. n God answered! Tuhan kasi gw 2 dokter ce yang bener2 dueket rumah gw, n 1 dokter lagi di campus.. Manusia bilang jarang, manusia bilang ga mungkin, tapi buat Tuhan semuanya urusan kuecil! huehehehehe.. Our God is an awesome! Gw kasi tau ke orang2 yang bilang ga mungkin tadinya.. biar mreka tau kalo Tuhan itu hidup! hahahaha.. 

"What the wicked dread will overtake them;

what the righteous desire will be granted." -Proverbs 10:24

Setelah check di 3 dokter itu, mreka bilang kalo itu "cuma" bones yang lagi swollen. Tulang bisa swollen juga yak? Indeed, yes. Why? Karena beberapa hal. In my case, gw banyak bawa barang2 berat yang akhirnya bikin my ribs working hard, akhirnya ya begitulah bengkak dah. Mreka check selama 6 months, bump'nya ga membesar n sakitnya ilang. Puji Tuhan! Indeed, dari situ we learn how to pray! hahaha.. Saat kita tenang2 kena angin sepoi2, kita bakalan brasa dunia aman terkendali. Akhirnya, santai deh sama Tuhan. Begitu kena badai, baru lah.. -___-"

Nah baru aja angin badai'nya reda, another strong wind came. hahaha.. Pas check darah di campus (ini karena gw iseng pingin tau what my rhesus is, bukan karena bump thingy hehe..), they found out kalo my livers are elevated. Hadehhh.. apalagi ya -___-" Liver gw bengkak karena KATANYA, gw ada consume alchohol, tylenol, ato anti-biotic sebelom blood test. Halahh.. ya gw bilang ma dokternya kalo gw ga consume itu smua.. gw anti obat, n ga minum any alchohol *kalo cendol gw doyan hehehe..* Lagi2, my family, n my pastors kelabakan hahaha.. Saat gw research gejala2nya, ya emang gw ngalamin beberapa dari gejala2 itu. Jadi I assumed that hasil check itu bener. They prayed hard for my healing, tapi malah saat2 kayak gitu (again) Tuhan uda kasi tau lagi "jangan takut".. Gw speechless. Pingin buat ga worry, tapi ga bisa. apalagi badan juga ngerasain ga enak2nya gitu.. haizz..

Long short story, dari 2 kejadian itu gw banyak belajar tentang doa, n gw bisa liat how great our God is.. Lebih2, gw bisa ngerasain gimana rasanya ada dalem keluarga kerajaan Allah. Saat2 doa bareng2 sama mreka smua (my family, n my church community), rasanya bener2 gimanaaa gt.. hehehe.. n terlebih what my Rainbow said was melted my heart hehehe.. Waktu gw bilang ke dia, "ko, gimana kalo misalnya aku bener2 sakit? what you will do?" He said, "jangan mikir yang engga2, itu kan kata dokter. Skalipun kamu sakit, nothing will change. I will take care of you." huhuhuhuhuhu.. In 2009, nyokap dia passed away karena cancer, n dia satu2nya yang sering bolos kerja karena anterin nyokap'nya bolak-balik buat chemo, masakin masakan ala orang sakit yang non spices a.k.a. hambar (dia juga ikutan makan loh), nemenin nyokap'nya sampe nyokap'nya balik Indo. Gw super salut sama dia.. makanya pas gw dapet kabar yg aneh2 soal sakit ini-itu, gw juga binun gimana mao sampe'in ke dia. Masa dulu nyokapnya uda sakit begitu, skarang gw.. kasian amat.. hahahaha.. But yeaa, God has a plan for all of us. Dengan adanya badai2 ringan n besar, kita makin deket sama Dia. Mestinya kita makin seneng ya kalo Tuhan proses, karena itu brarti Tuhan masi peduli sama kita. hehehehe..

Beberapa hari lalu hasil blood test gw yang kedua keluar, n the result is fine. Praise God. Tuhan emang Allah yang dahsyat n hidup. Apapun yang terjadi sama kita, semua itu dalam rencanaNya. Saat kita declare kalo kita mao ikut Tuhan, Tuhan ga janjiin hidup kita bakalan lancar kayak jalan tol, tapi Dia janji kalo Dia ga akan perna ninggalin kita. So, whatever is happening now, just put your faith in Him. Karena Dia turut bekerja dalam segala perkara. Kalo Tuhan ga redakan badai hidup kita, Dia pasti kasi kita kekuatan buat menari dalam badai! Don't lose faith, but tighten our hands to Him! To God be the glory!

"No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able,  but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it."

-1 Corinthians 10:13

Praying

Many Christians know that pray is the way we communicate with the Lord, yet not so many of us know how to have a good communication with Him. It is like our relationship with family, friends, and other people surround us—a good communication is two ways communications. In fact, many of us only have one way communication with God that we are the one who dominate the conversation. It is not healthy relationship, isn’t it? Imagine we have a conversation with a friend/relative/spouse, and we are the only one who is speaking all the time. Well, it cannot be considered as conversation then. It is not even a good relationship either. So, today, I would like to share how to pray—what are do and don’t in a prayer, and who should we pray for.

As I mention before, communication is needed in a relationship; however, communication does take time. It is also consuming our time; yet, it is required to create a good relationship. So, take your time when you are praying, and don’t rush it! Imagine you meet your friend somewhere and you greet him, “Hey A, how are you? I am doing good now.. Oh I also bla bla.. Alright then bye.” Your friend doesn’t even reply your greet yet, but you already leave him. How do you feel when it happened to you? Sad? Angry? Is it the so-called relationship? Is it a conversation? Nope.

Jesus gave us an example of pray in Matthew 6: 5-15, and it is supposed to be our guideline of pray. First of all, we need to give glory to Him. He is the creator, and He is the only One who deserves the glory. Secondly, ask for forgiveness, and then tell Him what you want to tell Him.. your desires.. your struggle.. everything.

In Matthew 6 is explained what are dos and don’ts in a prayer.

-      Don’ts:

·   be like hypocrites, who pray for their own image >> to be recognized as a good/religious person. (v. 5)

·   Use repetition like heathen does. (v. 7) >> our Father knows everything we need and desires before we ask Him, but again.. He wants a relationship with us. Imagine that a son comes to his father and says, “hi Dad, today I need bla bla bla” and then leave before his father answer him.

·   Or even pray very berry short >> In Indo, it's like pray “Pak Simin” (Bapak terima kasih Amin..) Nope. Please take your time when you pray.

-      Dos:

·   Pray secretly (v.6) >> pray in quiet/secret place, just between you and God.

·   Pray openly and honest for He knows our desires (v. 8) >> remember, He knows everything about us.

·   Let His will be done in us.

He knows everything about us, yet He want to have relationship with us.. He wants to have a communication with us personally—personally without any middle man. He reminds us that His sheep know their Shepherd voice. When we are in a crowd, and then someone we know calls us, somehow we will recognize his/her voice, yes?  

However, we also need to be careful with our motivation in prayer; most of time we pray only for ourselves. We pray for our own wealth, health, and goodness. We tend to forget praying for others. Remember, as brother and sister, all of us should pray for one another. Indeed, our fingers can help us to remember who we need to pray for.

-    Thumb  >> thumb is the closest finger to us. So begin by praying for those closest to us. He has promised, when someone is saved, He will save his or her whole family. It doesn’t mean that we have nothing to do. Here, we should do our part too which is praying for our family member. The stronger in spirit (us) should fight for those who are weak.

-    Index finger (pointer) >> it reminds us to pray for those who teach us; Bible teachers, preachers, and those who teach children. All of us are His witnesses. He calls all of us to be fishers of men. Teacher and preacher also need our prayers; because they are judged harder compare to us. (Matthew 18: 4-6).

-    Middle finger >> it's not for cursing others! indeed, it is the tallest.. it reminds us to pray for those in authorities over us; government, our teachers at school, our boss, our supervisors. Why we should pray for them? Because they lead us.. they lead this country.  Let’s read 1 Timothy 2: 1-2 and Jeremiah 29: 7. On those verses are clearly states that we should pray for our authority. Where ever we are, whatever our job is, and who ever our authority is, we should pray to the Lord for them.

-    Ring finger >> this finger is the weakest—people who play music (piano, guitar, violin, etc) will notice this. It reminds us to pray for those who are in struggle and suffering (James 5: 13-16). It can be our church member, or someone we don’t know who is persecuted. Again, the stronger should pray for the weaker.

-    And the last is our little finger >> this finger reminds us that we are small compared to God, and we need Him in every single time (Philippians 4: 6, 19). We need to ask God for what we desire with thanksgiving, not in grumble; and He will fulfill all our needs.

Whatever method we use, just talk to Him through what He teach us. He loves to hear our sincere prayer. Jesus is not far, He is just a prayer away. However, there is time when we cannot pray.. when we don’t have desire to read His love letter.. when we are tired of our spiritual battle.. when those times come, it is when God will answer our prayer. Don’t stop praying! It’s Satan who tries to hinder us from God’s will. If we don’t have desire to pray, praise Him in worship, and prayer will come after.

A good prayer is not the one that comes from us, but the one that comes from Holy Spirit. In 1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18 states that “Rejoice ALWAYS. Pray WITHOUT ceasing. In EVERYTHING give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for YOU.” To God be the glory :)

Playing "What if..."

Rencana mao nulis blog batal terus sampe akhirnya gw kena tag buat playing this game.. hahaha.. Thanks for tagging me Nie.. And, if you read this post, that means you are tagged too!! haha.. Lo bisa nulis di blog ato di fesbuk, and please tag me ya.. kalo ga, gimane gw tau.. wkwkwkw.. Oh well, here we go..

Orang-orang berkata kalo gue: 

Diligent, kind, soft person *tissue kalee lol*, and wise *amin*

Kalo dapet 1 milyar gue pasti: 

Amin! *harus amin dulu dunkss*

- gw bakal perpuluhan *pastinya* 

- sumbang pembangunan tempat retreat gereja

- bagiin ke Papi-Mami-Adek gw

- bikin my own childcare (one of my dream and--ternyata--his dream juga.. cerita soal ini tar someday juga gw share.. ntar deh ya.. hehe)

Klo kejebak macet gue... 

Kejebak macet is like my routine kalo drive ke campus.. and I love it! hahaha.. tenang2, bukan typo.. biasanya yg tak lakuin nyanyi2 aja worship Him di dalem mobil. hehe.. itu saat2 yang paling gw suka krn gw bisa 'berduaan' lagi sama Daddy, and banyak yang Dia omongin saat2 gitu.. maka itu, gw jd demen kalo kena macet.. hahaha..

Indonesia adalah negara yang...
tetep jadi tanah air gw, meski skr tinggal di negara orang.. my hope for Indonesia will never end. Pray for our nation, people!! :)

Mantan gue...
berperan penting dalam hidup gw.. Tanpa mereka dulu, gw ga jadi gw yang sekarang.. So, I thank you guys.. :)

Klo berada di depan kuburan M.J...
masalahnya ngapain gw di sana yah? -__-

Hidup ini penuh dengan...
*from deep down in my heart, I will say..* His mercy and grace.. 

Tak ada tempat yang indah selain...
mountain and beach.. di dua tempat itu, paling asik kalo liat sunrise-sunset and bintang! *mupeng*

Ke mana pun gue pergi, pasti bawa...

tas.. somehow kalo gw pegi2 ga bawa tas, rasanya aneh banget.. padahal meski bawa tas juga pernah dompet gw ga ada di tas, ato bahasa keren'nya ketinggalan.. hahahaha.. 3 hari pula, selama retreat ke gunung.. hadehh..

Kalo divonis kanker... 

uda perna kejadian, but bukan kanker *another story to share later.. hehe* awal2 kaget pastinya, but I am fine.. itu brarti Tuhan masi mao pake gw buat jadi alatNya.. hehehe.. semua manusia juga akhirnya meninggal kan, cuman ga ada yg tau kapan saatnya.. jadi ya ga usa binun, hiduplah untuk hari ini aja.. pake sesisa waktu kita yang ada for His glory :) 

Pagi-pagi enaknya makan...

roti bakar dikasi blueband and madu! and minum teh.. eaaa.. tiada dua dehh..

Pekerjaan yang paling membosankan di dunia adalah... 

jalan2 ke mall tanpa tujuan.. gw paling ga betah dah, ga tau mao ngapain di sana. haha..

Hal yang paling mengerikan di dunia adalah... 
I dunno.. buat gw, dunia uda cukup nakutin dengan what's going on todays.. hehe..

Bencana alam itu...
Serem, and sadden me.. apalagi kalo banyak anak kecil yg kehilangan ortu krn bencana itu.. haduuhh.. break my heart dahh.. :'(

Waktu SMA gue dikenal sebagai... 
ce yg pendiam, alim, sekaligus jutek.. 

Saat yang paling tenang, saat... 
He comforts me no matter what I have done.. huhuhu..

Paling males kalo ngelihat...
orang2 sejenis kissing n pegangan tangan.. I'm sorry to say this, tp gw gerah aja liat'nya.. -__-

Kalo orang ciuman didepan gue... 
depends lah ya.. kalo emg married couple, ya gpp asal ga hot gimana gitu in public.. tp kalo masi high school *ato bahkan masi elementary*, ga pake manner pula.. ato bahkan yg sejenis.. hadooohhh.. pasti gw langsung ngacir.. haha..

Gue pengen banget... 
makan nasi goreng jawa! hahahaha.. 7 taon gw tinggal sini, gw nemu macem2 makanan indo, but ga ada yg jual nasi goreng jawa.. :'(

Wanita2 cantik dan seksi di depan gw sambil ketawa2 keras2, dalem pikiran gue... 
"ketawa apaan sih? gw kaget atuh neng!"

Pria dengan jeans robek-robek, baju hitam gambar tengkorak, ngerokok, nongkrong depan circle-K, dalem pikiran gue... 
"cicle-K dimana ye?"

Orang yang sok imut dan sok childish... 
haduhh.. no comment dah.. risih pastinya..

Lagi jalan, ada yang lewat pake motor bilang "f*** you" 
palingan gw cuman diem aja sih sambil liatin tuh orang.. haha..

Mama papa bilang kapan nikah? 
"tenanggg.. Belanda masi jauhh.. haha.."

Afgan dateng kerumah...
Afgan itu sapa tohh? O_o *Ani pasti ngakak dah haha*

Kalo tengah malem ditelepon pacar... 
Kalo malem2 my rainbow calling, pasti krn gw yang lg kenapa2 hahaha.. 

Kalo besok kiamat... 
finally! I can't wait to be with my Daddy forever :)

Pastinya, gw juga akan ngomong ke setiap orang yg gw temuin kalo besok uda kiamat, ayo tobat! hehe..

In Every Little Thing

Wedehh.. Lama banget ga blogging ya hehehe.. Akhir2 ini gw emang super busy wuzzy sama ini-itu, tapi penyertaan Tuhan emang ga perna berhenti meski saTe gw ngadat.. -_-"   SaTe gw ngadat  bukan karena bolong2, but kosong. Tiap saTe seakan "cuma" daily activity, ga kayak dulu lagi gitu.. Haduhh.. I'm trying to boost it, tapi susah.. Anyway, meski gw'nya lagi nyandet2 gitu, His love is never fail. Semakin gw liat itu, semakin gw pingin buat love Him even more.

Banyak orang mikir'nya, kalo berkat dari Tuhan ya selalu yang gede2 and dahsyat2.. Indeed, ga selalu gitu loh.. Buanyaaakkk bangeeettt hal2 kecil and simple yang Tuhan kasi kita tiap hari.. tiap saat. Tapi kita'nya aje yang ga nyadar.. hayooo looohh.. Beberapa minggu terakhir ini, gw ngalamin hal2 yang mungkin buat orang laen itu ga berarti.. tapi buat gw itu amat sangat berarti sekali *ini kalo tau guru bahasa Indo gw, pasti ngamuk dia.. uda pake "amat", "sangat", ehh "sekali" juga.. hahaha..* Gw kasi nomer aja deh biar gampang cerita'nya.. hihihihi.. Ini cerita'nya mundur ye.. :p

1. Tiga hari lalu gw beli tiga macem wafers *snack wafers itu lohh.. hehehe..*. Itu kek sekantong gitu ada tiga rasa. Nah gw itu aimed yang rasa stroberi, but karena itu beli'nya juga buat dimakan untuk orang serumah, someone took it and gw ga kebagian! Huhuhu.. Waktu kemarin siang gw mao makan, ehh uda ga ada tuh yg stroberi.. Dalem ati bilang, "wahh kalah cepet dah, padahal gw lagi pingin tuh." Emang gw juga lupa bilang ke orang2 rumah buat sisain gw sih, jadi ya uda.. lupa'in aja lah.. hahahaha.. Eh ga disangka, malem'nya bokap gw beli itu wafer stroberi yang guede pack'nya!! hahaha.. asiikk! Kan cerita'nya gw and bokap mao visit orang sakit di hospital, naahhh dalem perjalanan itu kita beli buah buat mereka. Pas ke market itu, bokap ambil random snack yang bisa buat cemilan kita di mobil. Gw juga ga nyadar waktu dia ambil itu.. but pas gw buka snack'nya di mobil, Tuhan bilang ke gw "ini kan yang kamu pingin?" My goodness.. Gw mao nanges rasa'nya.. hahaha.. "Cuman" wafers guys! Tapi Tuhan PEDULI.. Itu merk yang dibeli juga sama persis, but in bigger size.. hehehe.. No one knows kalo gw lagi ngidam itu wafers stroberi, but God knows.. He always knows.. :)

2. Hari kamis kemaren gw kan ada presentation di kelas. Kelas gw tuh malem kan.. Nah siang hari itu, gw bantuin ade gw blanja buat keperluan dia shooting *FYI, he's majoring in film sodara-sodari.. hehehe* Gw biasa'nya berangkat dari rumah kan jam 5.30, but kamis itu gw berangkat jam 5.45.. Seriously itu cuman beda 15 minutes, tapi effect'nya astagaaaaa.. Freeway'nya muaaceeettt luar biasa.. Sampe gw pasang GPS dah. Meskipun gitu, tetep aja disana-sini macet. Arriving destination di GPS yg tadi'nya 6.28 jadi nambah2 terus, and bikin gw makin puyeng.. hahaha.. Masalah'nya gw ada presentation which means ga bole telat! Jiahh.. Gw di jalanan uda panic ding-dong.. Akhir'nya ya uda gw give up lah, mao lewat mana aja juga macet.. "Tuhan, You know ini lagi macet begini, and aku perlu sampe kelas on-time.. Meski mustahil di mata manusia, I know You will have another miracle today. Let it be done"  Ehh ternyata beneran.. He did something for me on that night. Gw loh tetep nyampe campus 15 minutes late. Halahh.. Pas gw masuk kelas, presentation uda di mulai.. Kan kalo di art classes, kita put our work up, trus talk about it and receive comments from other students. Jadi ya gitu lah.. Itu uda ada sati orang maju, and kelas lagi henng banget karena dia'nya juga uda kelar presentation--cuma nunggu comment dari kita2.. But one thing was awesome. No one notice me came in! hihihihi.. Gw ga nyadar seh.. Gw cuman masuk kelas pelan2, hoping no one hear my foot steps.. kek detective ngendap2 dah wkwkwkwk.. oh FYI, kelas gw ini pintu'nya disamping guys, jadi ya mesti'nya masi keliatan lah kalo ada orang kluar-masuk. Especially during presentation time kan hening banget tuh, jadi ya emang serem banget dah masuk'nya. Gw sampe ga brani nengok ke arah mreka.. hahaha.. Gw masuk kelas, taroh barang2 gw pelan2, and join them. Pas lagi break, beberapa temen gw heboh.. "When did you come?? I didn't see you come in!" "Hey Febe, did you come late? I didn't see you at the beginning of class." And keren'nya, ada beberapa temen ga yang emang belom pasang boards'nya di depan karena tadi wall'nya ga cukup! hahahahahaha.. Jadi gw ga consider telat lah yaa.. Emang He is always awesome dahh.. No one like Him! NO ONE!! :D

3. Another story.. Seminggu yang lalu *gw lupa tepat'nya kapan haha..*, gw kan drive to campus.. As usual, di freeway itu maciaaatt sekalii.. Jalan'nya uda kek keong semua deh.. Mao exit and lewat local, gw ga tau jalan.. Jadi ya uda, stuck in the middle of somewhere deh.. *hahaha.. lebay..*  Ya pokok'nya begitu lah.. You know kalo pas macet2 gitu, jadi bete lah ya.. Mana mao kelas juga.. Hadehh ga banget dah! Dalem ati gw bilang, "Tuhan tolongin aku ya biar sukacita'ku ga ilang cuma karena macet gini aja." Hahaha.. Somehow, mobil2 di depan gw mulai pada ke jalur yang kiri.. Gw binun, kirain ada accident ato apa gitu di lane yang gw lewat itu. Gw tetep jalan aja, and mobil2 di depan masi terus ke kiri padahal yang kiri jelas2 lebih macet. Saat itu Tuhan ngomong, "Aku akan selalu buka jalanmu seperti ini" Walaahhhh.. gw drive'nya jadi sama nanges lohh.. cengeng abis gw jadi'nya hahahaha.. My Father in heaven bener2 peduli in every little thing.

Dalam Roma 8:28 dibilang kalo

"...Allah turut bekerja dalam segala sesuatu 

untuk mendatangkan kebaikan bagi mereka yang mengasihi Dia..." 

It's so true! To be true, there is nothing about us in this life.. It's all about Him. Kalo gw bole ngalamin hal2 demikian, itu bukan karena gw yang layak buat terima kebaikan Tuhan. Tapi itu karena Tuhan yang mao demonstrate kebesaran Dia. Dia mao tunjukkin that there is nothing is too big or small in His eyes. Semua sama. Apapun yang kita minta ke Tuhan, Tuhan anggep itu serius. Kalo emang kita dapet jawaban "no", ya itu brarti apa yang kita minta ga sesuai kehendak Dia and He have something better than it. Remember, no one knows what we need. Not even ourselves. Seringkali kita merasa tau apa yang kita butuhin, tapi sebener'nya ga loh. Kita jarang bisa bedain mana yang emang kebutuhan and mana yang keinginan karena emang bedanya tipis sekaleee.. Cuma hikmat dari Tuhan aja yang bisa help us to discern what it is right in His eyes. Jangan mengharapkan Tuhan memberi kita sesuatu yang besar kalo kita juga ga perna kasi Tuhan waktu kita :) Anyways, Tuhan selalu supply our oxygen everyday tanpa limit. Jarang lah ada orang yang doa minta supply oxygen daily.. Ato bole dibilang ga ada kali ya? haha.. Ya gitu lah.. He knows better than us. Dia yang maha dahsyat dan tau segala'nya, masi mao pake kita yang kecil and ga tau apa2 ini.. It's an honor! Above all, He gave us Himself for us.. it's more than enough. Nothing is comparable :)

"Bersukacitalah senantiasa. Tetaplah berdoa. Mengucap syukurlah dalam segala hal, 

sebab itulah yang dikendaki Allah di dalam Yesus Kristus bagi kamu" - 1 Tesalonika 5: 16-18

Waktu dan Proses

Waktu adalah salah satu musuh terbesar kita, agree? Kalo buat gw seh iya.. Rasa'nya tiap hari kejar2an mulu sama waktu.. hahaha.. Dibanding sama jaman2 bahela, jaman sekarang orang2 lebih suka something instant, no wonder fast food jadi makanan favorit. Bahkan saat diproses Tuhan pun, kita mengeluh karena kelamaan.. Hayo ngakuu.. hehehe.. Padahal semua pekerjaan Tuhan itu memakan waktu.. membutuhkan proses yang kadang2 ga sebentar. Bukan karena Tuhan yang ga sanggup bikin itu short, but Dia mao kita belajar through the process.

Coba kalo kita inget2 lagi pas Israel dibawa keluar dari Mesir sama Tuhan.. Tuhan kita maha dahsyat, ada amen? Tapi napa Dia masi perlu 'berdiskusi' sama Firaun? Tuhan mampu kan bawa keluar gitu aja umatNya tanpa ba-bi-bu sama Firaun? Tapiiii.. Tuhan masi kasi kesempatan sama Firaun buat tobat, meski Tuhan tau kalo Firaun pasti mengeraskan hati'nya.. Ga percaya? Ayo2 kita buka di Keluaran 3: 19..

"Tetapi Aku tahu, bahwa raja Mesir tidak akan membawa kamu pergi, kecuali dipaksa oleh tangan yang kuat."

Tuhan tau semuanya dari sebelom kita dilahirkan, Tuhan udah tau keputusan2 apa yang akan kita buat.. Bahkan Tuhan tau apa kita akan menang dari pertandingan ini ato kaga.. Tapi Dia kasi kita kesempatan buat kita menang! Dia mao semua orang mengenal Dia karena cuma Dia satu2nya jalan keselamatan dan hidup. Ya karena Firaun milih buat kerasin hati, Tuhan bikin keras sekalian.. Beberapa kali ditulis di Alkitab kalo "..Firaun mengeraskan hatinya..." dan akhirnya ya "..Tuhan mengeraskan hatinya..". Dari sini kita juga bisa belajar supaya kita ga challenge Tuhan keterlaluan. Emang ya Tuhan kita itu penuh kasih dan pengampunan.. Tapi kalo tiap kali kita berdosa, trus kita minta ampun, and akhirnya jatoh di lubang yang sama lagi.. hmmmm.. Kudu ati2, jangan sampe Tuhan keraskan hati kita, and as consequence kita ga lagi merasa bersalah saat kita ngelakuin dosa2 kita itu. Haizz.. itu bad news kalo uda begitu.

Nah back to process matter ya.. hehehe.. Tuhan milih ngasi Mesir 10 plagues karena Dia mao demonstrate how great He is compare to Pharaoh and his magicians. Ya iya lah ga ada yang bisa bandingin Tuhan kita, tapi kebanyakan dari kita juga bakalan doubt kalo belom ngeliat ato mengalamin sendiri. Jadi disitu Tuhan kasi kesempatan Israel buat liat how big their God is.
Mereka bahkan mengalami 40 taon proses.. FOUR DAYS journey became FORTY YEARS journey! Ga maen2 tuh.. hahaha.. But why? Dijelasin di Keluaran 13:17,

"..jangan2 bangsa itu menyesal, apabila mereka menghadapi peperangan, sehingga mereka kembali ke Mesir."

Duhh.. Bahkan Tuhan masi menjaga hati Israel. Dia ga mao Israel jadi anak manja yang apa2 merengek2. Tuhan mao Israel jadi bangsa yang kuat, jadi bangsa2 laen bisa ngeliat bedanya umat yang diberkati Tuhan and kaga.

Saat Israel diperintahkan untuk nyebrangin laut Teberau, sebenernya Tuhan juga kasi proses disana. Tuhan ga belah lautnya in seconds, but He divide the sea ALL NIGHT. Selama ini gw percaya kalo pas Musa angkat tangan'nya, pas saat itu juga laut'nya kebelah.. Ternyata kaga! hahaha.. Yukk diliat dulu di Keluaran 14:21..

"Lalu Musa mengulurkan tangannya ke atas laut, dan SEMALAM-MALAMAN itu Tuhan menguakkan air laut dengan perantaraan angin timur yang keras, membuat laut itu menjadi tanah kering; maka terbelahlah air itu."

Tuhan menguakkan air laut dengan PERANTARAAN angin dan Musa. Tuhan ga mao dominasi pekerjaanNya. Bukan karena Dia ga sanggup kalo ga "dibantu", tapi Tuhan humbly enough to invite us yang ga bisa apa2 ini ikut di pekerjaanNya yang maha dahsyat.

Seringnya, manusia ini sombong.. "eh liat neh gw dipake Tuhan luar biasa, gw bisa ini-itu.." Jangan lupa guys, it's nothing about us.. It's all because of His grace kalo kita dipakaiNya. It's an honor kalo Tuhan yang maha segala2nya mao pake kita yang sering mendukakan Dia. Saat Tuhan proses kita, sebenernya itu juga suatu hal yang "nyenengin".. Ha? Diproses kan ga enak, koq bisa seneng? Yes, coba liat di Wahyu 3:19..

"Barangsiapa Ku kasihi, ia Ku tegor dan Ku hajar; sebab itu relakanlah hatimu dan bertobatlah!"

Kalo Tuhan hajar/mendidik kita, itu bukan karena Dia ga sayang and mao jatohin kita. BIG NO! Justru saat itu Dia mao kita ini ngeliat dosa2 kita and berbalik kepadaNya. Itu justru tanda sayang dari Tuhan. Sapa yang ga seneng kalo disayang Tuhan hayo? hehehe.. Semakin kita berontak, semakin sakit sendiri. Bahkan kalo Tuhan uda ga mao urusin kita lagi, itu lebih parah lagi sakit'nya.. Ga ada yang inget2in kita lagi kalo kita mulai melenceng.. >___<  Ga usa ada perasaan iri sama orang2 dunia yang idup'nya looks easier that ours. Inget guys, orang2 yang akan dipake untuk pekerjaan special, pasti akan ditraining secara special juga.. hehehehe.. So, let's do our best to finish this race! To God be the glory! :)

The Love that Never Fail

Apparently, I was so busy with school and other stuff, so my relationship with Him is loose. I feel so empty and get cranky easily.. haha.. I even get mad at my Rainbow with no reason.. Goshh, I am sorry Dear >__<  I tried to devotion, but I couldn't really focus. I tried to pray, I got nothing. I tried to play guitar n worship, it couldn't help at all. DUH.. Why? I am not sensitive enough to hear Him! Huaaaaa.. Noooo.. :''''''''(((((((   In  John 10:27 He says that 

"MY sheep LISTEN to my voice; I KNOW them, and they FOLLOW me." 

So, what kind of sheep I am?? Uh-Nooo.. However, His love is never fail. NEVER!

God loves us so much. He says it in John 3:16, and He has proven it. He gave His only Son, He reconciled with us, He blessed us even though we are not worthy for it. He loves us and nothing can change it. The thing is He hates our sins. If we compromise sins, that means we choose to disconnect from Him—we choose to create a gap between us and God. Sometimes we believe that we do good things, we serve God, etc you name it.. In fact, we do all of those things because of ourselves. Some people go for mission to certain country without asking God, but they do it because they WANT it.

We are the clay and God is the Potter, there is no way the clay tells the Potter to make it to be certain vessel. God has plan for every of us. He knows what to do in us, and still working on it. But we are the ones who always ruin His work. In Jeremiah 18: 4 states that 

“But the pot He was shaping from the clay was marred in His hands; so the Potter formed it into ANOTHER pot, shaping it AS SEEMED BEST TO HIM.” 

It means, even though we are bad, we break His heart, we don’t obey Him, we don’t want to come to Him, HIS LOVE REMAINS THE SAME. He still wants to mold us, IF we want it. If we choose to leave the wheel, it’s our choice and He will not force us to obey Him.

In 1 John 1:9 also states that 

“IF we confess our sins, He is FAITHFUL and just and will FORGIVE us our sins and PURIFY us from all unrighteousness.” 

That means He wants to be reconciled with us again, although we broke His heart. BUT, this is NOT AN EXCUSE to do the same sin. Sin is sin, and the consequence of sin is death. Our spirit will be dead if we constantly repeat the same sin. We will not be sensitive enough to Holy Spirit’s awareness, and at the end we feel like God allows us to do it. Big NO! It’s our decision to be off guard. He never ever compromise sin, we are the ones who compromise. Again, compromising with sin means walking away from God.

Our God is an awesome God. He loves us so much, so that He will never ever force us to follow Him. He will open our heart and mind, give us conviction by the Holy Spirit, but option is in our hand. Most of time, God calls us to do something that we don’t like, again—decision is in our hand to obey and see His wonderful work or stay in our box and say “You know.. I can’t do it, Lord”. Believe it, if God calls us to do something we cannot do, be rejoice. That means that we will have another skill improved! He never calls us without providing what we need. Remember He is a good God. If we—human being—know how to give, surely He more than understands how to do it. Nothing can change His love for us.

cuap cuap di malam hari

Hmmm.. Ternyata uda lama banget ga update blog. Hehehe.. Skarang baru mulai semester baru lagi. Last semester I was overwhelmed with the classes I had. Gw ambil 5 classes, and gw ended up strees sendiri.. lol.. Alhasil this semester gw cuman ambil 4 classes aja (like usual), and hopefully gw bisa manage my time well. Amiiinnn! Eniwei, gw mao share yang gw alamin tadi pagi di campus.. hehehe.. It’s not a secret kalo dari pagi sampe siang tuh jam paling keramat di parkiran campus aka ruameeee bangeeettt.. Kudu berangkat pagi2 kalo mao dapet spot. Semester lalu kalo gw pulang kelas jam 1an gitu, seringkali orang2 nanya “are you leaving?” and akhirnya mreka pake parking spot gw. Yah berdasakan itu, gw ngeri pas semester ini gw dapet kelas2 siang begitu. Tapi kalo emang Tuhan beserta, ga ada yang bisa lawan deh yaa.. hehehe..

This is my second day, and itu the worse days in semester deh.. Kalo yang murid2 pasti ngerti apa maksud gw.. hahahaha.. Udah susah parkiran, susah mao ke cafeteria, susah mao ngapa2in karena campus full of crowd! Halah.. >__<  Selama 2 hari ini gw beli parking tiket harian karena certain matters, gw belom bisa dapet parking tiket semester gw. Tadi pas gw mao beli ticket lagi, gw diingetin sekali lagi kalo emang Tuhan cares of every little thing I need. Gini cerita'nya, kan mesin buat beli tiket itu cuman ada di lantai 2 and 4.. Nah tadi tuh by faith aja langsung ke lantai 2, padahal udah tau banget kalo disitu pasti full. No doubt. Jam siang soal'nya. Beneran deh.. Setelah sekali  muterin parkiran di lantai 2, gw ga dapet spot. Akhirnya gw decided buat beli parking permit dulu, biar nanti'nya gampang kalo uda dapet parkiran. Ehhh, pas gw masukin duit ke mesin, itu mesin kaga mao terima duit'nyaa.. Dikeluarin beberapa kali sampe kusut semua! Aaarrgghh.. Ampun deh.. Daku uda bete sekaleee tuh.. Sampe gw sentil mesin'nya.. *hahahahahaha.. emang anak nakal pake disentil2 segala*  Akhirnya gw ganti duit'nya, pas gw mao masukin duit lagi.. 

Tiba2 out of no where, ada ce dateng nyamperin. Dia nanya apa gw mao beli parking ticket. Awal'nya gw pikir dia tuh new student yang mao nanya cara beli ticket ato apa gitu.. Ehhhh, ga tau'nya dia mao ngasi parking ticket dia karena dia uda mao pulang! hahaha.. And ga cuman itu, dia juga kasi gw parking spot'nya dia.. Aww, terharu saia.. hehehe.. Gw ditungguin muter mobil, sampe gw dateng ke tempat dimana dia parking mobil'nya.. Astaga.. God is soooooo gooodddd.. Tuhan ngasi'nya bukan cuman parking spot yang deket sama pintu masuk ,but also the parking ticket! hahahaha.. Thanks God! Emang cuman Tuhan kita yang bisa diandelin dalam segala situasi.. To God be the glory! :)